LinkedIn walked in wearing a black suit and a light blue tie. He walked confidently across the room to where I was sitting with his back straight and his head high. He looked awfully serious…
Different thoughts crossed my mind like “I should probably spit my gum” or “I should have ironed my shirt, shit!” He gave me the chills, I felt like he was going to interview me… Imagine I stood up long before he came close enough. He had his portfolio with him. I haven’t even made one yet!!!
me: Hi Mr LinkedIn, nice to meet you. (MR linkedIn…… Jesus!)
In: Hi Ioanna. You can call me In. Nice to meet you too, you can sit down now! (Laughs)
me: (smiling totally embarrassed) So how are you?
In: Linked! (Laughs again)
me: May I ask you how old you are?
In: Sure, I have no age discrimination issues, I will be 10 years old in December, created by Reid Hoffman.
me: How would you describe yourself in a few words?
In: That’s a typical interview question. I am the top professional social network online right now.
me: Congratulations for that! So what exactly do you do?
In: I host your professional profile, on live CV, portfolio, you name it. The format philosophy assembles Facebook’s, but in a more serious way.
me: What does that mean?
In: It means that you have to keep it professional. Your info should be about your work experience, your studies, your skills and expertise. I don’t want to see you in your profile picture with your bathing suit on, hanging around in Mykonos. And I don’t want to see updates of how good your nails look with your new polish. Keep it professional Ioanna!
me: I will Mr. LinkedIn….
In: I told you, you can call me In.
me: You frighten me so i keep forgetting that…… So you said I can post updates?
In: Sure you can.
me: Like Facebook right? The thing is, I can’t really find my way around my updates and my connections’ updates…
In: You obviously just don’t know how. In the tab “new” clicking on “signal” takes you to your updates stream. You can see all your notifications there.
me: Thanks for the tip! I keep loosing myself in my profile… So! Do you have any connections?
In: I have 161 million members and 2 million companies, the connections are limitless. Plus I speak 17 languages, so that eases things out.
me: So, say I am a professional.
In: In what?
In: That’s too general Ioanna. You are a professional in what? Be more specific, haven’t you heard about key words?
me: Right, right, I ‘ll optimize… Say I am a marketing professional, why should I choose you?
In: Firstly, for being a marketing professional you should know why you should choose me, but anyway, I ‘ll play along. I am best at the job hunt. Through me you can connect with professionals, form collaborations, join groups, share interests and knowledge, exchange advice.
me: I see.
In: I am not over yet. You can read the daily news, be informed of new job openings or if you are a business woman you can look for potential clients by forming a group or even recruit new employees. Your LinkedIn profile is your virtual resume, don’t mess it up.
me: I won’t Mr LinkedIn…. Sorry In. Do you hang out with the other social media networks or are you too busy?
In: Actually I do. I talk to twitter and WordPress almost every day. I host their updates.
me: Hm, so what’s the drawback?
In: The drawback Ioanna is that people think I am Facebook and gather all their friends and family in their profile. It takes self-control to manage a professional profile and not to spam your connections with your advertisements and posts.
me: How about your stolen passwords? I don’t mean to imply that you have security issues but…
In: I see, yes. The truth is that 6.5 million passwords were leaked on a Russian hacker site. An obvious power game. I dealt with that misfortune and the case is closed.
me: I bet you hate me right now for reminding you of this… I can see it in your eyes, you want to kill me with that portfolio of yours, aren’t you?
In: I am a professional dear, I don’t engage in such pettiness.
me: I know, self-control… Well, thank you for your time In, it was a pleasure talking to you!
In: Actually I prefer you called me Mr. LinkedIn, thank you!
Mr. LinkedIn was too uptight… Come to think of it, his tie must have been too tight…